Written by Irie the Jackahuahua

Mis perritos, first impressions can last a lifetime, que no? I’m at about that age and in that phase, yes my amiguitos, they call it puppy love. But, I’m a bit nervous. I know what you’re thinking, me? Nervous? So fiercely independent, so Jackahuahuatastic? Even I have my insecurities cachorritos. I’m starting to notice all of the cute stud-licious boy toys at the doggie park and all I can think is “how does my rear end look?!” How do I get mami and papi to remember to give me a good grooming before the dog park, not after! They swear that a bath before the dog park is useless, sheesh, tell that to my waning love life.

The humans just don’t understand. You meet that special perrito for the first time, those floppy ears, fuzzy snout, big strong paws, and those rippling… hind legs; pues, you get what I mean, it’s nerve-racking! Do you lick their snout first, do you greet them with a quick sniff to the booty, or should you linger extra long so they know you’re really interested? Ay mis perritos, it’s a doggie jungle out there, and to make matters worse, there’re all these dog cougars picking up on all the young pups. Leave some for the rest of us, locas!

Some mutts are just not that in to you. But how do you know?! My mami’s trainer friend says que pues if the dog is all stiff and tense then leave him alone. But, what if he smells so good you just can’t get away? “Oh, nice booty cologne Fido, very sexy.”

It’s a tragedy mis amigos! I’m terrible at this. You have to worry about boundaries, and will his human swat you away with a newspaper because they just don’t get that you need just one more whiff to know if he’s “the one”? Y to top it off, the humans make you feel so self-conscious with their yelling – “Gross, she’s sniffing his butt!” and “Don’t do that, bad girl!” Do I go and call you gross when you hug your silly human friends? Don’t I do the whole song and dance of licking your mouth when you ask for a kiss? Pues, then stop making me feel so ashamed for trying to find the love of my life you big meanies (or loves, I’m too cute for just one boyfriend, girl please!).

 It’s so tiring you know? Going dog to dog to dog – are you male? No. Next. Are you in heat? No. Next. I like you, do you like me? No. Next. Ay, don’t bite! Nope. Next. You like how my tail does what?! (paw slap to the snout) Nope. Next. Talk about speed dating! I’m such a young pup, tan bonita, perky, great personality, but why can’t I find him? Dating’s got me doggie tuckered out. The perrito park is a sea of would-be boyfriends, but how will I ever make the right impression?

 Ay mis perros, it’s a long journey, I know some of you feel me. I’ll continue the search, but in the meantime, as my homedog Tupac says, “Ladies, you gotta keep your snout up.”

Irie La Mona (The Little Doll) is a 7-month-old mixed breed, bilingual Jack Russell Terrier/Chihuahua adopted from the South Los Angeles Animal Shelter. Still a puppy, she aspires to one day host her very own show, and be the Oprah of mixed breed pups around the world!